"Someone who doesn't judge me."

A good quote from Dr. Gilbert "Gil" Grissom, from this weekend's CSI marathon session, one that really hit home. For lots of reasons, I have been thinking about what I need/want most from the people in my life. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if its ever possible.

To impose a standard on someone, I need to see if I can live up to it myself. I think I can and that I have, but I'm not so sure. If that's sounds confusing, its because I am confused.

*****

A long time ago, I decided it was alright to discuss a friend with another, as long as its within the group. Heaven help the person who 'discussed' my friend in the same terms if they weren't part of the 'posse', though :-p... I guess it helped ease the guilt and sense of betrayal as well as decrease the need for confrontation. I mean, everyone is human and has their own 'fatal flaw', and part and parcel of friendship is acceptance of each other, warts and all. But once in a while when it really gets to you, its good to get it off your chest, no? Especially if the issue is a petty one and a confrontation may only serve to make a mountain out of a molehill. And what better way then, to a mutual friend who understands and doesn't carry it further than the conversation, knowing that sometimes things just need to be said. I've learnt all too well that my blunt Saggi ways sometimes tend to hurt more, rather than help. So far this has worked, but I still feel a stab of guilt sometimes. Especially, since I know I can be a pain too, and I know that my friends probably need to let off steam about me sometimes... once in a while... like whenever there's a blue moon :-p

*****

Makes me wonder, what do my nearest and dearest think of me... I know I'm not supposed to give a damn, but I'm curious and I do want to know. What would they say about me if they thought I wouldn't ever hear about it? Hehehehehe... Yes, I am a sucker for pain :-p

*****

Was working last night on an island and as we were leaving I saw a full moon in red. And I remembered "Legolas: A red sun rises in the East. Blood has been spilt this night." I dunno if it was because of the dark, the fact that we were in the middle of an orang asli settlement in the jungle (almost!), the spirit houses all around us, or the surreal performance from earlier kick-started my already hyperactive mind, but I felt a chill up my spine. Then of course I drove into suburbia heaven/hell and the moon was silver and all was well in my world. :-)