More emails...

I'm getting tired of this... NOT!! Honestly, what would my life be without all this attention. Yes, it is attention you know, orphans clamouring for you to help them etc. But these 2 are a bit different. The first is from a very naughty Mr. Tom Harvest, who wants me to help him steal! Gasp! Doth he not knoweth that I am respectableth? What's new here is that he uses a real historical event to seal the deal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

PLEASE GET BACK TO ME...

"tom_harvest73@terra.es"

"tom_harvest73@terra.es"

PLEASE GET BACK TO ME
TOM HARVEST.& CO. CHAMBERS
(ATTORNEYS&COUNSELORS AT LAW)
FEDERAL HIGH COURT BENIN
WHITE-HOUSE BUILDING ,
25DEGBAGO CRESCENT
COTONOU REPUBLIC OF BENIN

Please reply me through this box:(tomharvest@myway.com)

Attn: (Surname)

Compliments,I Barrister Tom Harvest. have decided to bestow this truston you, which I pray you will not ignore or betray. I appologize inadvance for any inconviniences this may cause you. As stated above, i remain's Barrister Tom Harvest the Personal Attorney to late
Mr Michael Gill, who was a contractor here in Benin Rep.Who, onDecember 2003, with his entire family were perished in Air -Crash on board from Cotonou .

http://www.cnn.com/2003/WORLD/africa/12/26/benin.cra sh

As a matter of fact,My client made a fixed deposit Amount, valued at (USD$15M) with Cemac Bank here in Benin Rep, and upon the duration time oftheiragreement, his bank started contacting him but no response. Conseqently, The bank issued me a notice to provide the next of kin to the deceased as his personal attorney, or have his accountconfiscated after four years, as it is in the law of this country.
Since then, I have made several contacts to His Countrys Embassy in order to locate any of my clients extended relatives,which had also been unsuccessful. Since I have been unsuccesfull in locating the relatives for over two years now,I seek your consent to present you as the next of kin of the deceased since none of his relatives were no way to be found so that the proceeds of this account valued at $15million could be transffered into your account, thereafter, we will both share it in percentage according to our contributions to boost the success of this great transaction.

I have all the necessary legal documents that can be used to back up all the claims we will make. All I require is your honest cooperation to enable us make this great benefiting transaction successfully. I guarantee that this will be executed under a legitimate arrangement thatwill protect you from any breach of the law. Please get in touch with me as fast as possible through this email address to enable us discuss further the progress of this business
Best Regards,
Bar. Tom Harvest
Senior advocate of Benin(SAB).

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

First off, Mr. Harvest, a Barrister should be able to spell better and mind his punctuation. Secondly, while you're asking me to be honest, I trust (pun intended) you don't necessarily have any regard for that particular virtue yourself? Thirdly, that is an email address, not a box. Fourth, I see a Sinatra connection going on here. Are you implying that you possibly lead a double life, senior advocate by day and mafioso by night? Finally though, I must commend you on one thing. Since your email, I have learnt that the Republic of Benin, does truly exist and that the crash of 2003 did really happen.

Onwards to the next piece of literature. This is one is absolutely hilarious, complete with accompanying pictures. What really and truly makes this unique though is this - I receive most of my scam emails through my yahoo account, for reasons I do not know. The spam from Hotmail and Gmail mainly consist of people trying to sell me drugs (My sister is a certified drug pusher lah oi! I get my poison for free...), or trying to pass me tips on stocks and mostly, people making rude assumptions about my sex life. So on my Yahoo account, I receive an email telling me I just won a lottery, and not just any lottery mind you!

WINNING NOTIFICATION (CONGRATULATION)...

|Full Message View

micro lo113

...

Wednesday, June 6, 2007 9:57:27 PM

To:micro_lo113@hotmail.com

MOTTO: FIGHTING POVERTY ROUND THE WORLD

FROM: THE DESK OF THE E-MAIL PROMOTIONS MANAGER INTERNATIONAL PROMOTIONS/PRIZE AWARD DEPARTMENT, MICROSOFT CORPORATION WORLD LOTTERY UNITED KINGDOM.61-70 Southampton Row, Bloomsbury London United Kingdom WC1B 4AR.

REFERENCE NO: MSW-L/200-26937

BATCH NO: 2005SEPTL#22

WINNER NO: 5

ELECTRONIC EMAIL AWARD WINNING NOTIFICATION AWARD PRESENTATION CENTER: UNITED KINGDOM

DEAR WINNER , MICROSOFT CO-OPERATION MANAGEMENT WORLDWIDE ARE PLEASED TO INFORM YOU THAT YOU ARE A WINNER OF OUR ANNUAL MS-WORLD LOTTO LOTTERY CONDUCTED IN AFRICA BEING THE HOST OF THE EVENT FOR THIS PRESENT YEAR MEGA JACKPOT LOTTO WINNING PROGRAMS HELD ON 5th, March 2007.

YOUR PERSONAL E-MAIL ADDRESS OR COMPANY EMAIL WAS ATTACHED TO JANUARY MSWLL. WITH SERIAL NUMBER S/N-00168 DREW THE LUCKY NUMBERS 887-13-865-37-10-83, AND CONSEQUENTLY WON IN THE FIRST LOTTERY CATEGORY. YOU HAVE THEREFORE BEEN APPROVED FOR LUMP SUMS OF $ 1,000,000 (USD ONE MILLION UNITED STATES DOLLARS) PAYABLE IN CASH CREDITED TO FILE REF NO: MSW-L/200-26937 THIS IS FROM TOTAL PRIZE MONEY OF $ 25,000,000 USD, SHARED AMONG THE TWENTY-FIVE (25) LUCKY INTERNATIONAL WINNERS IN FIRST AND SECOND CATEGORY.

ALL PARTICIPANTS WERE SELECTED FROM WORLDWIDE WEBSITES ESPECIALLY YAHOO EMAIL THROUGH OUR MICROSOFT COMPUTER BALLOT SYSTEM DRAWN FROM 21,000 NAMES, 3,000 NAMES FROM EACH CONTINENT (CANADA, ASIA, AUSTRALIA, UNITED STATE, EUROPE, MIDDLE EAST, AFRICA AND OCEANIA, AS PART OF INTERNATIONAL "E-MAIL" PROMOTIONS PROGRAM, WHICH IS CONDUCTED ANNUALLY FOR OUR PROMINENT MS -WORD USERS ALL OVER THE WORLD, AND TO ENCOURAGE THE USE OF INTERNET AND COMPUTERS WORLDWIDE.

YOUR FUND (CERTIFIED CHEQUE) HAS BEEN INSURED WITH YOUR REF NO: MSW-L/200-26937 AND WILL BE READY FOR DELIVERY. IT WILL BE DELIVERED TO YOU BY ONE OF OUR CLAIM AGENT IN EUROPE AND AFRICA (MR JONES SMITH). YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESS SHOULD BE USED IN ALL CORRESPONDENCE WITH YOUR CLAIMS OFFICER, PLEASE NOTE THAT, YOU ARE TO CONTACT YOUR CLAIMS OFFICER VIA EMAIL AS WE ARE PROMOTING THE USE OF E-MAIL. ALSO YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO CALL HIM TO CONFIRM YOUR WINNINGS AND GOVERNMENT TAX PAYMENT THAT IS ALL, AS HE WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH THE NECESSARY DETAILS ON HOW TO CLAIM YOUR PRIZE.

AS PART OF OUR SECURITY PROTOCOL YOU ARE TO QUOTE THIS SECURITY CODE MSW/FEB/XX06 TO YOUR CLAIMING AGENT. THIS IS TO PREVENT SCAM .

MR JONES SMITH
TEL+ 27 833501360.
CLAIMS AGENT OFFICER CONTACT EMAIL IS: claimagent_000@yahoo.com

REMEMBER, ALL PRIZE MONEY MUST BE CLAIMED AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. ALL FUNDS NOT CLAIMED ON OR BEFORE THE FIXED DATE WILL BE RETURNED AS UNCLAIMED AND DONATED TO CHARITY ORGANIZATION IN AFRICA.

NOTE: IN ORDER TO AVOID MISTAKES, PLEASE REMEMBER TO QUOTE YOUR REFERENCE AND BATCH NUMBERS AND YOUR SECURITY CODE OF MSW/FEB/XX06 IN ALL CORRESPONDENCES WITH YOUR CLAIMS OFFICER. DO NOT REPLY ANY OTHER MAILS LIKE THIS ON NET, AS THEY ARE A LOT OF SCAM ARTIST OUT THERE PRETENDING TO BE US. YOU MAY SEE MAILS LIKE THIS DO NOT REPLY. DO CONTACT YOUR CLAIMS OFFICER MR JONES SMITH . AT ONCE YOU WILL BE ASKED TO PROVIDE SOME DETAILS TO ENABLE THE OFFICE PROCEED WITH YOUR WINNING CERTIFICATE AND FILE KEEPING.

CONGRATULATIONS, ONCE MORE FROM THE ENTIRE MANAGEMENT AND STAFF OF MICROSOFT CO-OPERATION TO ALL OUR LUCKY WINNERS THIS YEAR. THANK YOU FOR BEING PART OF THIS PROMOTIONAL LOTTERY PROGRAM. OUR SPECIAL THANKS AND GRATITUDE TO BILL GATES OF MICROSOFT AND ALL HIS ASSOCIATES FOR ALLEVIATING POVERTY ROUND THE WORLD.

SINCERELY,

To process your claims you are hereby advice to fill this form and return it to us for the final processing of your file.

NAME........................................................................

ADDRESS:.................................................................
NATIONALITY:............................................................
SEX:..........................................................................
AGE:..........................................................................
PHONE/MOBILE:........................................................
FAX:..........................................................................
OCCUPATION:............................................................
COMPANY:.................................................................
SECURITY CODE........................................................
WINNING NO:.............................................................

Mrs. Basheera Abubakar Mrs. Caro Smith
(Co-coordinator) (Secretary)

LOTTERY SPONSORS: CHIEF SPONSORS;
MICROSOFT CORPORATION UK, MICROSOFT CORPORATION AFRICA, MICROSOFT CORPORATION USA, MICROSOFT CORPORATION ASIA.

Past winners:

This is the email as I got it, pictures and all, I promise! At least the originating email is a hotmail address although the ID does suspiciously look like Microsoft is lol-ing at me. But they did provide an explanation for why Microsoft is giving away money to Yahoo! users... They were chosen through a Microsoft 'computer', possibly a foray into another source of revenue which is being perfected at the moment and hasn't hit the mass market yet (remember, you heard it here first!). And if Microsoft software is anything to go by, its no wonder Yahoo! emails are being picked! :-p Which is also explains why the claims agent is relying on Yahoo! as well...

Although the grammar is still atrocious, they are taking serious security measures, warning me against scams and the like and providing me a security code, plus, the computerized signature has got an approval stamp on it, and they've got the Coat of Arms on the email, so it must be bona fide. I also like the online form provided, very official-like no? Best of all though, are the photos lah! Ms. Basheera looks very business-like and she seems to be an avid reader... And poor Mrs Caro Smith, she's so busy preparing the winners checks, she couldn't even look up for the photographer, who for some reason thought she would look more dignified sans colour! And the pièce de résistance, the past winners, posing with the mock cheques and getting emotional even!

Its ok micro-lol, in between the encouraging the use of The Internet and fighting poverty around the world (?) I'm sure your funds get pretty stretched. You can keep my share and donate it to an African charity. Please. No really, I insist.